May this reach all of you with His eternal blessings and love. And hey, today post is actually to tell you of the story and notes to the man that I love.
First of all,
I never imagine to befriend with him since he is so sicks. Like mentally sicks and he cannot even one day make me feel ease.
And hey, who knows that finally he's the one that succeed to steal my heart? Eventhough he keeps ignoring me everytimes I reach him out.
It's sad.
Maybe before this, I would never try to catch someone attention. And be annoying to everyone that I know. But this little guy, I even can lower down my ego and my steel-behaviors to him. Like I never did before.
But then, he keeps be mean and mad at me. And I did know why he act like that. But then, is it the past memories should be forgiven?
I guess not all people are the same. Altough what I did for the sake of someone else, and I did have point in talking such words. But then, Ego that blooms in a creature named, a man, will never fade easily. It becoming something that haunts their life forever if they ever forget it. But then I guess not all man like that. If all man like that, how comes there's a man that forgive his wife/ girl even though they are caught red-handed?
For the first time in my life, I do never have said that I love someone that opposite my gender. Like literally I can give the whole wide world for him. And it be very longgg time since I fell in love with every single habit and every little piece of someone eventhough there's many of dark patches all round him. But sincerely, I do love him. And I really do.
But I guess loving is hard. Not always work. I do realize that I am not a girl that he going to get marry. It impossible and wallahi, if one day I ever can marry him, I would be the most grateful person in this earth. Although I can see what it will become. But I surely would say that I am proud to have him as my husband. Literally eye-pleasant, deen person, protective, strong and family-type (oh not to forget 'the most annoying man on earth' title would always be him). I would happily to have kids and he would teach every single thing to our children that will makes my eyes teary every time I can see such phenomena.
But I guess, it will always be my imaginary.
I would never stay even a special place in his heart.
He never bother my existence.
Although the first time he recognize my feeling towards him, and say something beautifully which I really hope that something will happen.
But I know. It would be inpossible.
I just miss my old days with him where he would always reach me out and seeks for apologize everytime he made a mistake. Like a boy who crave for attention. That is him.
Maybe I just too clingy until he become suffocated. And he decided to be mean everytime I be clingy and nice to him. (As before this I always hate him so much till everyday I called him ' lelaki gila'). Thus, with the changing of my behaviours and he cannot stand where I cannot move on from him, he become far and far away from me.
It's hard.
As I do love him. As always said to my friend, knowing him make me want to be better, as I want to be better to myself, him and the most importantly, i better to Allah and others. And I did change bit by bit. And please pray may the good changes in my life will always be better. Wallahi, I feels thise changes since I really serious in getting to know him better and better every single day.
But then ya Allah, if he is the one that can change me to be a better muslimah in future. Please grant him and make his heart fills with my existence and love not the hates and bad-feelings.
But then Ya Allah, if he is not the one please easy my heart to accept such qadha and qadar written to me, as I am really fragile and connot losing someone that I love so easily. And replace it with someone that will appreciate every single thing that I will do it for him. In shaa Allah amiin. ♥️
Today, again, he hide my stories from his view. It's sad. Or maybe he wants to annoy me as I always said I hate seeing people hide my stories where I only give certain people to view my stories.
To you the man that I love,
Sorry be too clingy and childish and always crave for your attention, and make you bwcome suffocated with all of this things, but believe me, you are the one since 24 years of my life make me become unbearble like this. Thank you for existing and please, if you ever know how thankful I am to your existence, I am ready to be whatever you want in the future.
Sincerely,
Amirah.
